sleepless nights

i think i'm a deep sleeper.. actually i KNOW i'm a deep sleeper. my roommate opens the dorm door and would be talking on the phone and turn on the light and i'll still sleep through all of that. send me a text while i'm sleeping? too bad, i won't feel the vibration or hear the alert. call me while i'm sleeping? oops, sorry! not only am i a deep sleeper, but i'm also quick to fall asleep. the moment my head hits the pillow, goodnight world! i pride myself on having the most comfortable dorm bed in all of UCLA.. i have people to prove it too.. for example, my roommate who one day, while getting ready to go to class, just sat on my bed (i have lower bunk) to put on her shoes and decided to lay down for a minute.. and was asleep in a matter of seconds! &&my friends who randomly come in while i'm studying at my desk and attempt studying on my bed. ohnoo, they fall asleep while studying in milliseconds!

sleep is when i'm completely knocked out and in my own zone. i'm utterly unconscious and oblivious to the ongoings of life around me. which is why, these days, i've been so confused on why it's been difficult for me to fall asleep.. and STAY asleep! usually i don't wake up (or sometimes not even wake up) when my alarm rings.. but these days i've been waking up multiple times throughout the night..5am, 8am, etc. and even last night, i was laying in my bed for two HOURS. two hours?!?! usually i'm asleep in two seconds! and it's not that i'm not tired too.. i had been up until 5am the other night writing my paper and went to bed, and that's how my yesterday started..by only having about 5 hours of sleep and then going to a full day's worth of class (11am-5pm). after i studied until 12midnight, i was ready to sleep! but alas, sleep did not come..

so if my body is so tired, why does it seem like my mind is restless and running all over the place? why can't i sleeeeeep?!?

honestly, i'm not that stressed out this quarter. i feel like this quarter has been my favorite so far! my classes are great, i'm enjoying going to class (nerd alert..), and even though the readings are alot, i haven't been behind. okay i guess minus that paper i stayed up until 5am writing.. but even then, i wasn't that stressed and i was actually surprised by what i produced in the end.

but i guess there's uneasiness in my life. i don't know the path i'm taking and alot of things are just up in the air for me maybe? i don't really have a clue for the reason behind my sleepless nights. hum.. i know i probably should have taken those 2 hours for my QT and read my bible. maybe God would have revealed to me the answers.. but instead, i took those 2 hours to think empty thoughts.. to just lay in bed with eyes wide open..

..maybe tonight will be better..