the end of summer school.

six weeks of summer school are over. when i think back on it, it feels like it went by fast.. but then when i think about it again, it went by SO slow. honestly, these past six weeks have been the hardest, most stressful, filled with ups&downs, most questioning, realizing, and most productive weeks ever.

when i first enrolled in summer school, i didn't know that the 2 mandatory classes you had to take could be split between sessions. and when i found out, i figured i should just keep with my current schedule because it was oh so convenient! mondays&wednesdays, econ from 8:30-10:35. comm10 from 10:45-12:50. only 10 minutes in between classes sounded pretty good to me. ..until i found out that all my quizzes/midterms/paper/FINALS would be on the same day and i would ONLY have 10 minutes in between to prepare. but even then, i decided to keep the schedule. i figured that i would have time to study on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays. little did i know i would get the job at ucla school of law and i would get scheduled 27 hours throughout the week.

but learning how to manage my time, learning how to study for both classes, while having work, and how to distribute my time was such a difficult lesson to learn. there were times when i wanted to drop econ. so..so..bad.

i was so stressed and people KEPT telling me how bad they felt for me. about how i had 2 finals on the same day, about how i was taking summer school, about how i had no time to go out with friends since i was studying all the time. but why feel bad for me? what's so "sucky" about my life? the fact that i'm learning? the fact that i'm actually stimulating my mind instead of letting it rot? because i'm being productive in handling a job and school? i'm LUCKY. i don't know if it was the caffeine or what, but during my 12 hour straight study session at borders (without internet ahhh!!), i realized how grateful i am. i'm thankful that i'm studying and learning. there are so many less fortunate than i.. and i didn't want to be the one complaining about my situation when my situation is actually one of the better ones.

but anyways, in the end i realize that no matter the result, i should just be satisfied with my efforts.. the song that really got me through the 6 weeks was miley cyrus-the climb. it's so disney and i don't really like her voice when she sings it (haha) but..the message is really good!

it's not about the end result. it's about how..while seeing the goal up ahead, you might tell yourself that it's impossible or you'll have a pessimistic voice telling you that you can't reach your goal.. but just push everything aside, TELL YOURSELF you can do it.. and even if you fail, there will be other goals, other possibilities/chances to take! just make the best of what you get. never be discouraged by failures, be strong and keep pushing on. and these lyrics hit me hard:

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on

it's just that the chance i took in not dropping my class, in juggling all the obligations i had, dealing with stress and no sleep.. there is a possibility that it might not have been necessarily "worth it" based on the end result. i might feel like i failed. but in the end, it's all about the efforts i put into it, it's about what i learned about myself while dealing with all of it. and it's all about how i've changed and grew from this situation.

i just hope i'll remember all of this..

God is good.

so this post was actually written way back on july 5th. but i've just been so busy with summer school and work that i haven't had the time to proofread and submit it as a blog! sigh, the stress of summer. i really think this has been the toughest, yet most productive summers so far. with comm10, econ, work (26.5 hours a week), church, guitar. i've been busyyy. i semi-like it. i semi don't like it. depends on how much sleep i get the night before haha.. anyways, here's the post!

july 5, 4:57pm.
GOD IS SO GOOD. i cannot believe my ears right now. for my mom and dad to be attending church is so...I'm just so happy. it brought tears to my eyes to hear how God is working in them. this just reinforces how God has a plan for everyone and God already knows what's going to happen. he already KNOWS. and everything is placed perfectly in place so that when we are ready to face whatever he has planned, we are ready to receive. i'm so happy to hear that my parents have open hearts and open minds. I'm really praying that God can just slowly but surely break down that hard exterior and break open the shell and just touch their hearts and minds and change them. God can penetrate and be in their lives now.

what's so weird is that right before being on the phone with them, i was reading Matthew and i read this..

Matthew chapter 17, verse 20: "because you have so little faith. i tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

before the phone conversation, i kind of knew what it meant, i had a small understanding. but after being on the phone with them and hearing what they had to say about how they went to church and the hymn they sang spoke to them since it had previous meaning and it just showed that they were MEANT to be there... and how they were convicted and how the sermon was so touching to them. i just knew what this passage meant!
it doesn't mean that anything will be possible for US. we cannot be selfish. we must understand that anything will be possible for God to do to work through us. i had the focus wrong. rather than the faith being in US to do anything, the faith is faith in GOD'S power to do these things like move mountains. not putting the emphasis on US. and it just showed me how God definitely has a plan for us. he plans everything and takes care of everything yet we still seem to forget that! my halmuhnee always prayed that my parents would go to church and just accept God into their lives, and to me, i wondered or i speculated whether they would ever! but my halmuhnee, she's the one who has faith in GOD. she knew that God has a definite plan and it would soon happen, it's all a matter of TIME.

i think that God has seriously helped awaken me and make me truly realize that i need to stop trying to take control of everything and to stop doubting him. there is a plan and it's just a matter of time when it will happen. trust in God!