my caretaker.

so throughout my spring quarter at UCLA, i've been spending every weekend at my halmoni's apartment. and even though i sleep on the couch while i'm there, it's been feeling more and more like my home. she takes such good care for me, telling me to just relax and sleep while she cooks for me, cleans and does almost everything for me. she says that she remembers when she was a student in korea and lived at school and how her favorite times were when she went home! she wants to recreate the laidback environment that her own mother, my great grandmother, made for her :)

anyhow, my halmoni.. she has been constantly taking care of me ever since i was a baby. she lived with my family over the weekdays and went home to her apartment on the weekends (to go to church). since my mom and dad were always working, i remember spending my pre-kindergarden days at home with my halmoni. i would sit with her while she watched her korean dramas, try to imitate her kimchi squat while she was almost crawling around the whole house sweeping with a dustpan, and try to help her with anything else i could. she was always there for me.. if there was a bug in my room, if my brother hurt me, if anything! and this year, more than ever, she's been there, caring for me, while my parents have been away.

on her birthday, feb 14 <3, i bought her orchids, her favorite! it wasn't anything extravagant ..just a modest pot with small white budding orchids and some fully bloomed. she always told me that she is happy and satisfied with all the things she has, but i wanted to buy her a little present anyway. she loves flowers and when she used to live with our family long ago, she used to spend hours gardening outside, taking care of her flowers.

so every weekend, i make sure to take a look at how the orchids are doing. and after a month or two, while the other pots of flowers surrounding the orchids were finishing blooming and were starting to fall off their stems, these orchids were still faithfully blooming and still growing! there were even new small buds! my halmoni even told me that she was so surprised because the orchids i bought were small and usually have a blooming period of at most a month or two. but last week, they were still going strong! and while she she was telling me this, she was caring to the orchid. brushing away any excess debris and patting the dirt in the pot.

and while i was watching her care for her flowers, i realized how much this relates to one of my favorite sermons!

in life, a gardener is equivalent to a caretaker. he is engaged in the growth of his plants and is active in the plants' maturing process. he is there every step of the way. his primary role is to prune the plant - cut away any unnecessary stems or bad/rotting flowers to balance the growth in the plant. and sometimes, he may be forced to prune the plant to the point of nakedness. the equipment he uses are often sharp but effective.

God is our caretaker. the "equipment" He uses sometimes hurt, like the difficult trials and tribulations He brings into our lives. but this is His test on our faith! with perseverance, the "plant" will grow to become complete and mature; we will lack nothing. God prunes us because he cares so much for us. He is concerned with our health. and even though it's painful and we may be tired and broken, it's necessary for our growth and maturity. thus, He is our support. without Him, we slowly become fruitless.

after the difficult stage of pruning, we experience spiritual growth! because of that, WE MUST REMAIN IN THE VINE:
John 15: 1-5.
1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

this sermon is what i look to when i feel discouraged, when i feel like i'm experiencing some hardships. after i read the passage, i realize that chances are, i'm being pruned! it reminds me to press on! not to give up. growth is coming :) revival is coming!! :)

to me, my halmoni is my caretaker here on earth. she's honestly the strongest person i know: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically strong. my halmoni was the ONLY one pushing me to go to church and praying for me to do so. she knew that i had gone to church a long time ago but for some reason stopped attending. and anyway, one day in december, it was late and i was heading to the bathroom and heard her praying.. and she was praying for me..for me to go to church. and i just started crying. because even though i knew she really wanted me to go, i always just brushed it aside. i never took it seriously. but to hear her praying for me, to hear how passionate she was about this one thing, it really touched me to see that someone cared that much. that's why starting this year, in january, i started going to OMC.

and well.. for that i'm eternally grateful. i just needed a spark to reignite the flame within me! :)