i. worry. too. much.
i. think. too. much.
it kinda consumes me. i think of different situations and how certain things would play out if i chose ONE way or if i chose ANOTHER way. what if some other unforseen circumstance occurred, how would i react? what would i do? where would i be in my life at that time? what if it wasn't what i wanted to happen? what would i do then? how could i somehow manipulate that to make it how i want it?
so exhausting!! i WORRY so much. and in all honesty, fear plays a big role in my worry. i allow all my fear and doubts overcome me and let opportunities pass me by. it inhibits me to act because i just sit around worrying and thinking.. worrying leaves me so unproductive!! i overanalyze and focus on the negative aspects of certain situations. i fear the worst. and nothing comes out of this fear and worry. worrying does not give me a single bit of resolve. it's fruitless.
but i go around thinking that i could do anything if i just put my mind and heart in it. if i just dedicate myself enough, if i just put enough time into it, if i just WANT it enough.. it could happen. but then.. sigh, not only do i need to realize that there are things i simply do not have control over but i also need to start looking beyond myself and become aware of things going beyond my circumstances. i need focus. i need to seek God in the midst of my life, in the midst of my circumstances, and look for what He's doing. i need to let go of my fear and let God rise. i need to put my full trust in Him.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8.
i need to become more aware of the God incidences in my life, pay more attention to my surroundings, and look for the messages He's supplying me. i need discernment. and lastly, i need to stop seeking worldly opinions because i will only obtain worldly answers.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
less is more.
"The minute you start to think that you're first and He's second,
and that what you think and what you have planned in your mind
is more important than what He has planned for your life,
that's the minute your life starts to go the wrong way."
and that what you think and what you have planned in your mind
is more important than what He has planned for your life,
that's the minute your life starts to go the wrong way."
Thursday, October 08, 2009
no inhibitions.
“The person who risks nothing... does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing -- He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
the end of summer school.
six weeks of summer school are over. when i think back on it, it feels like it went by fast.. but then when i think about it again, it went by SO slow. honestly, these past six weeks have been the hardest, most stressful, filled with ups&downs, most questioning, realizing, and most productive weeks ever.
when i first enrolled in summer school, i didn't know that the 2 mandatory classes you had to take could be split between sessions. and when i found out, i figured i should just keep with my current schedule because it was oh so convenient! mondays&wednesdays, econ from 8:30-10:35. comm10 from 10:45-12:50. only 10 minutes in between classes sounded pretty good to me. ..until i found out that all my quizzes/midterms/paper/FINALS would be on the same day and i would ONLY have 10 minutes in between to prepare. but even then, i decided to keep the schedule. i figured that i would have time to study on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays. little did i know i would get the job at ucla school of law and i would get scheduled 27 hours throughout the week.
but learning how to manage my time, learning how to study for both classes, while having work, and how to distribute my time was such a difficult lesson to learn. there were times when i wanted to drop econ. so..so..bad.
i was so stressed and people KEPT telling me how bad they felt for me. about how i had 2 finals on the same day, about how i was taking summer school, about how i had no time to go out with friends since i was studying all the time. but why feel bad for me? what's so "sucky" about my life? the fact that i'm learning? the fact that i'm actually stimulating my mind instead of letting it rot? because i'm being productive in handling a job and school? i'm LUCKY. i don't know if it was the caffeine or what, but during my 12 hour straight study session at borders (without internet ahhh!!), i realized how grateful i am. i'm thankful that i'm studying and learning. there are so many less fortunate than i.. and i didn't want to be the one complaining about my situation when my situation is actually one of the better ones.
but anyways, in the end i realize that no matter the result, i should just be satisfied with my efforts.. the song that really got me through the 6 weeks was miley cyrus-the climb. it's so disney and i don't really like her voice when she sings it (haha) but..the message is really good!
it's not about the end result. it's about how..while seeing the goal up ahead, you might tell yourself that it's impossible or you'll have a pessimistic voice telling you that you can't reach your goal.. but just push everything aside, TELL YOURSELF you can do it.. and even if you fail, there will be other goals, other possibilities/chances to take! just make the best of what you get. never be discouraged by failures, be strong and keep pushing on. and these lyrics hit me hard:
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
it's just that the chance i took in not dropping my class, in juggling all the obligations i had, dealing with stress and no sleep.. there is a possibility that it might not have been necessarily "worth it" based on the end result. i might feel like i failed. but in the end, it's all about the efforts i put into it, it's about what i learned about myself while dealing with all of it. and it's all about how i've changed and grew from this situation.
i just hope i'll remember all of this..
when i first enrolled in summer school, i didn't know that the 2 mandatory classes you had to take could be split between sessions. and when i found out, i figured i should just keep with my current schedule because it was oh so convenient! mondays&wednesdays, econ from 8:30-10:35. comm10 from 10:45-12:50. only 10 minutes in between classes sounded pretty good to me. ..until i found out that all my quizzes/midterms/paper/FINALS would be on the same day and i would ONLY have 10 minutes in between to prepare. but even then, i decided to keep the schedule. i figured that i would have time to study on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays. little did i know i would get the job at ucla school of law and i would get scheduled 27 hours throughout the week.
but learning how to manage my time, learning how to study for both classes, while having work, and how to distribute my time was such a difficult lesson to learn. there were times when i wanted to drop econ. so..so..bad.
i was so stressed and people KEPT telling me how bad they felt for me. about how i had 2 finals on the same day, about how i was taking summer school, about how i had no time to go out with friends since i was studying all the time. but why feel bad for me? what's so "sucky" about my life? the fact that i'm learning? the fact that i'm actually stimulating my mind instead of letting it rot? because i'm being productive in handling a job and school? i'm LUCKY. i don't know if it was the caffeine or what, but during my 12 hour straight study session at borders (without internet ahhh!!), i realized how grateful i am. i'm thankful that i'm studying and learning. there are so many less fortunate than i.. and i didn't want to be the one complaining about my situation when my situation is actually one of the better ones.
but anyways, in the end i realize that no matter the result, i should just be satisfied with my efforts.. the song that really got me through the 6 weeks was miley cyrus-the climb. it's so disney and i don't really like her voice when she sings it (haha) but..the message is really good!
it's not about the end result. it's about how..while seeing the goal up ahead, you might tell yourself that it's impossible or you'll have a pessimistic voice telling you that you can't reach your goal.. but just push everything aside, TELL YOURSELF you can do it.. and even if you fail, there will be other goals, other possibilities/chances to take! just make the best of what you get. never be discouraged by failures, be strong and keep pushing on. and these lyrics hit me hard:
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
it's just that the chance i took in not dropping my class, in juggling all the obligations i had, dealing with stress and no sleep.. there is a possibility that it might not have been necessarily "worth it" based on the end result. i might feel like i failed. but in the end, it's all about the efforts i put into it, it's about what i learned about myself while dealing with all of it. and it's all about how i've changed and grew from this situation.
i just hope i'll remember all of this..
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