thank you russia :)

i hadn't seen my parents in 7 months and 18 days. so while i was driving to the airport to pick them up, i was nervous! i didn't know what to expect. during those 7 months and 18 days, i changed so much and i wanted them to see that. i wanted them to see how much i grew as a person, how i matured and became more responsible..

little did i know that my parents had also changed dramatically: individually and as a couple.

going on this trip meant either giving up or leaving all their worldly possessions behind. we didn't have a house (the lease went up the day they left), we sold 2 cars, and all of our furniture and appliances and everything else went into storage. my parents left with a total of 6 luggage and came back with 4! and most importantly, they only had each other as a companion.

when i picked them up from the airport, first and foremost, i noticed their smiles. i knew they were happy to see me! ..but they were just happier overall. they no long stressed about the small things in life and were genuinely happy.

but the one thing that stood out the most was..my parents were acting like a newlywed couple! they were constantly holding hands :) cutee, i know! and it wasn't like old ahjima/ahjuhshi linking arms or anything. they were interlocking fingers, side by side, in love.. again! i couldn't believe it. they had found love again with each other and were seriously living on cloud 9.

and for this, i want to thank russia! why russia? because in russia, my parents visited Nikolayevsky Palace and watched a show there. but what was magical, was what happened afterwards. they made a reservation, dinner for two, in a beautiful room inside the palace and found, to their surprise, that they were the only two who made a reservation! there was a single table in the middle of the dancefloor and a pianist off to the side. she began playing a vienesse waltz and they danced ballroom all around the room :)

i told my parents, this is like a fairytale, perfect date story.. a fantasy dinner! where the billionaire flies the date all the way over to a foreign country into a palace and brings her into a grand room with a piano player just for their date! PLUS dancing?! sigh. how idyllic. haha i guess in this case my dad's the billionaire and my mom's his special date! <3 haha i know my dad planned everything :P

THEN the next day, while my parents were walking around, they heard a flutist playing "ave maria", which was the same song that played at their wedding! haha i know my dad planned that too..

but seriously, what could be more romantic? russia is where my parents came around full circle, where they found themselves and found each other (again)! so thank you russia for bringing my parents together and for the series of small serendipities. although, i don't necessarily think these events happened by CHANCE, but rather, it was fate :) and of course, all part of God's plan.

1 Corinthians 13: 7-8a
⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails.

my caretaker.

so throughout my spring quarter at UCLA, i've been spending every weekend at my halmoni's apartment. and even though i sleep on the couch while i'm there, it's been feeling more and more like my home. she takes such good care for me, telling me to just relax and sleep while she cooks for me, cleans and does almost everything for me. she says that she remembers when she was a student in korea and lived at school and how her favorite times were when she went home! she wants to recreate the laidback environment that her own mother, my great grandmother, made for her :)

anyhow, my halmoni.. she has been constantly taking care of me ever since i was a baby. she lived with my family over the weekdays and went home to her apartment on the weekends (to go to church). since my mom and dad were always working, i remember spending my pre-kindergarden days at home with my halmoni. i would sit with her while she watched her korean dramas, try to imitate her kimchi squat while she was almost crawling around the whole house sweeping with a dustpan, and try to help her with anything else i could. she was always there for me.. if there was a bug in my room, if my brother hurt me, if anything! and this year, more than ever, she's been there, caring for me, while my parents have been away.

on her birthday, feb 14 <3, i bought her orchids, her favorite! it wasn't anything extravagant ..just a modest pot with small white budding orchids and some fully bloomed. she always told me that she is happy and satisfied with all the things she has, but i wanted to buy her a little present anyway. she loves flowers and when she used to live with our family long ago, she used to spend hours gardening outside, taking care of her flowers.

so every weekend, i make sure to take a look at how the orchids are doing. and after a month or two, while the other pots of flowers surrounding the orchids were finishing blooming and were starting to fall off their stems, these orchids were still faithfully blooming and still growing! there were even new small buds! my halmoni even told me that she was so surprised because the orchids i bought were small and usually have a blooming period of at most a month or two. but last week, they were still going strong! and while she she was telling me this, she was caring to the orchid. brushing away any excess debris and patting the dirt in the pot.

and while i was watching her care for her flowers, i realized how much this relates to one of my favorite sermons!

in life, a gardener is equivalent to a caretaker. he is engaged in the growth of his plants and is active in the plants' maturing process. he is there every step of the way. his primary role is to prune the plant - cut away any unnecessary stems or bad/rotting flowers to balance the growth in the plant. and sometimes, he may be forced to prune the plant to the point of nakedness. the equipment he uses are often sharp but effective.

God is our caretaker. the "equipment" He uses sometimes hurt, like the difficult trials and tribulations He brings into our lives. but this is His test on our faith! with perseverance, the "plant" will grow to become complete and mature; we will lack nothing. God prunes us because he cares so much for us. He is concerned with our health. and even though it's painful and we may be tired and broken, it's necessary for our growth and maturity. thus, He is our support. without Him, we slowly become fruitless.

after the difficult stage of pruning, we experience spiritual growth! because of that, WE MUST REMAIN IN THE VINE:
John 15: 1-5.
1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

this sermon is what i look to when i feel discouraged, when i feel like i'm experiencing some hardships. after i read the passage, i realize that chances are, i'm being pruned! it reminds me to press on! not to give up. growth is coming :) revival is coming!! :)

to me, my halmoni is my caretaker here on earth. she's honestly the strongest person i know: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically strong. my halmoni was the ONLY one pushing me to go to church and praying for me to do so. she knew that i had gone to church a long time ago but for some reason stopped attending. and anyway, one day in december, it was late and i was heading to the bathroom and heard her praying.. and she was praying for me..for me to go to church. and i just started crying. because even though i knew she really wanted me to go, i always just brushed it aside. i never took it seriously. but to hear her praying for me, to hear how passionate she was about this one thing, it really touched me to see that someone cared that much. that's why starting this year, in january, i started going to OMC.

and well.. for that i'm eternally grateful. i just needed a spark to reignite the flame within me! :)

so TODAYY..

MY PARENTS CAME HOMEEEEEEEEEE<3
they're happy! i'm happy.
life is good =)

God is our BEST FRIEND!

"I am unconscious but my heart still beats and my lungs still breathe--yet even that I know is sustained by my Creator. Who can go to sleep tonight and be 100% sure he will wake up in the morning. Not a single person. It is by God's will and power that we see another day." -- stevo :)

last night, i didn't fall asleep too easily either.. but at least last night i wasn't thinking empty thoughts. instead, i had this quote in mind..
and.. it just sparked this whole stimulating..mess..of..greatness haha :) it was all a matter of me sorting out these thoughts and making sense of everything.

God breathes life into all of us each day. He wakes us every morning so we can live another day.. not just "another" day, but a new day! He wakes us so we can all breathe another breath. smile to a stranger. bring someone else joy. say 'i love you' to a family member or friend! have another opportunity and say 'i love you' to God, Himself! have more time to heal open wounds and forgive those who have hurt us. to be inspired by others. to imagine! to dream! &create! and to just..experience being ALIVE.. through Him of course :)

and i mean, isn't that something to look forward to?! isn't the life He gave us something to.. go to sleep and wake up and experience all over again.. more than enough?? it IS!!
but i feel like these days i've just been taking everything for granted. i've been getting really caught up in day-to-day activities. going to class, following my day schedule, studying. i haven't been taking the time to really stop. look around me. and just feel blessed. i know it's really cliche to say, just look around and smell the roses.. but when's the last time i did? when's the last time i laid in bed at the end of a day and thought about all the good things that happened during the day instead of all the small burdens or insecurities i have about tomorrow?

so then i thought, maybe this is what He wanted to reveal to me.. by taking away those what i called, "precious" hours of sleep..to really take the time and do my QTs and think about all the good things that happened today..

in fact, i'll start thinking/writing about my day now! (this entry feels very spontaneous haha)
so i woke up at 715am and got ready to go move my car, which was on gayley, because of street cleaning. and yes, what a hassle.. but i've actually been enjoying these early mornings alone. it's.. very.. quiet. and nice. and today i just felt like visiting my high school so i went to starbucks to get my coffee anddddd.. i see one of my best friend's mom! what a coincidence! so we just sat there and talked about life, friends and our experiences. it was a good breakfast talk :) and thennn i went to my highschool and talked with my coach, talked with my AP Calc teacher <3 hehe i love her! and saw some of my senior friends. and since i have class at 11, soc, and since the parking spots open up at 11 on gayley.. had to go back to UCLA. and even though i was 5 minutes late, and even though i was super hot while power walking to class, class was fun haha right cho, wasn't it fun today?! :/ haha well anyways and then i spent 6 hours in powell studying for psych and even though i outlined some of the wrong section, it's okay! and then went to KCM and that's always fun :)

bottom line, i looked back on what happened today in a good mood and happy state of mind! yayy haha! anyways, back to what my post is really about. i looked up "calvin and hobbes, sleep" up in google and the comic up there is what i found! isn't it perfect?

God is our creator. He's our bestestttt friend! "Things are never quite as scary" when we put our faith in Him. and regarding my "insomnia".. i think just simply knowing He's next to me, embracing me, absorbing all my troubles and worries, bringing me peace.. knowing all of what He has done for me and continues to provide is what will help me sleep better at night..
..&wake up refreshed and anew for a new day!!
(dang i feel so pumped and energized right now)

*edit. omyy! so the last part of my blog got cut off and i freaked out and pressed "back" a bunch of times and I WAS ABLE TO SAVE IT!! God prevails once again hahah<3